It takes a super to know one, says Yasmin Le Bon. Here, she poses the questions and comes up with the answers
Who else has got the balls to approach us media-hyped goddesses? It's a shame the press doesn't feel more responsible for our sex-starved lives. 'Can't get a date' is a common complaint.
Why does she sometimes not turn up for a booking?
Boyfriends. This has always been a contentious issue - well, for the agents anyway. But clever girls know that there's nothing more useful than his early morning call: 'It's terrible, she's been puking up all night.' Actually, she's probably been dancing all night, and knows it might not be a very good idea to turn up for a job looking like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards.
How do you cope with all the TV crews backstage?
'So, where are you going to be wearing your hemlines next season?' If you don't want to answer this for the hundredth time, smile sweetly, pretend to be deaf, and wander off. The crews won't be offended, this is expected of models. Gorgeous but vacant. This is our trump card, and we use it.
Is that why models have a reputation for being dumb?
Look, we've been cultivating this myth for a long time. Like the dog who pretends to be really dumb, but who is simply waiting for the right moment to do something vaguely intelligent - he knows that the reward will be excessive. In the same way, if a model hints at an IQ over 50 she is instantly regarded as clever. I like being a low-mileage model.
Ok, why is it that models don't eat?
Well, why is it that show people (designers and their crews) only feed us with 'miniature' food - lunch is always sandwiches so small that if you're not careful you could take a chunk out of your finger. Could this be because really nobody wants the girls to eat, in case they can't squeeze into the clothes before a show?
Like mere mortals, models also suffer from the après-lunch, pot-belly syndrome, so they save themselves for dinner. Plus there's the model's own diet - taken on the heel straight from the backpack - chocolate, followed by a can of Coke, followed by more chocolate.
Isn't modelling glamorous?
Yes. There's nothing like standing on the middle of a bridge, when it's 30 degrees below, you have a raging cold, and you're wearing nothing but a backless single-ply chiffon dress. And, to make matters worse, the photographer thinks this is a fantastic shot, and he can't help himself shooting rolls and rolls of film. We all treasure those moments.
Isn't it a really bitchy business, especially during the shows?
When I first started doing the shows, if you were new and, God forbid, beautiful, you were going to have a real job staying on the runway. I've even heard of girls paying other girls' dressers to dress them wrongly. Nobody has time these days, we're all too busy.
Do models look as good in real life?
Of course! Well, actually, I look okay when I come home from a shoot or from 10m away. It's all lighting and retouching, and tons of make-up and hair. It takes make-up artists at lest an hour to make models presentable.
Where should a model groupie go?
Any self-respecting groupie would know where to go, so I'm not going to spoil their fun. Mind you, if you ever want to buy a model a present, we'll have anything from our favourite knicker shop, Sabbia Rosa, in Paris.
Do you really get to keep all those clothes?